Posted by: madkentdragon | March 8, 2010


As it comes closer to Mothers Day, my thoughts turn to Phillip. Phillip was born after a 30 hour labour at 6pm on  Mothers Day 1969. He really didn’t want to be born and half way through the labour attempted to turn back up into the womb, painful – but with a home birth all I could do was get high on gas-and-air and the ever present cigarette.

Anyway finally he came out into the world, 7lb of screaming baby boy & was put straight to the breast and thrived and quieted down to be a happy contented baby.

His eldest brother aged  3 commented that at least this one didn’t cry all the time and his younger brother didn’t take much notice of him because he was often in hospital as he was border-line gamma globulin anaemic – a rare condition that compromised his immune system. So Phillip had to undergo the same painful blood test where the blood has to flow freely from an artery in the neck, unfortunately, because we had moved (one way of dodging the bills) he was sent to a small local cottage hospital who didn’t know how to do the test and bodged it, leaving him with a massive bruise on his neck. I refused to take him back there, fortunately the test showed that he was OK.

Or so I thought – Phillip thrived and took more after me – short and plump – rather than long and thin like his father and brothers and very rarely cried unless his nappy needed changing – too good to be true??

Then he started to get bloated, not fat – bloated, the trouble was I’d also become ill – each month I was suffering immense pain and feeling sick so I didn’t notice it very much to start with – but my father-in-law did and started dropping poison in to my husband’s ear that Phillip was nothing like his brothers – who was his father? I can assure you he was his son – I was too scared and too busy to even think about being unfaithful. By the time October came I was worrying and took him to the Doctors who dismissed my fears by saying I was overfeeding him – the same GP who told me I had period pains! But Phillip showed no real signs of illness and was progressing quite well but was too quiet for my liking – and a mother’s instinct isn’t usually wrong, especially as his chest was rattling.

25th October was my husband’s birthday, it was a Saturday and he went out for a few with his father and came back belligerently accusing me of all sorts of problems. I sent the eldest two out to play so that they couldn’t witness the usual happenings. He went out again that night and he stayed with his parents as he was too drunk to drive home – relief!

Phillip started crying on the Sunday morning and it was so unusual that his brothers took turns in rocking him, I was on the verge of calling the GP when my husband re-appeared and unceremoniously pushed the pram into the garden – his hangover couldn’t take it.

Phillip cried on and off all day and I hoped perhaps he was just teething and he went to bed and fell asleep, but woke a few hours later still crying, his blonde hair covered in sweat and his blue eyes looking at me as if I should take the pain away.

He settled back down and my last words to him were, “I’ll take you to the Doctors tomorrow little man, now get some sleep – sleep well”  Why do I remember those words?

 Because they were the last words I ever spoke to him, Phillip left us that early morning of the 27th October and laid there quiet and stiff when I went to check on him in the morning.

The coroner said that Phillip had virus pneumonia, kidneys that were only working at about 20% and yes he did have gamma globulin anaemia! He was too ill to get any better and so my little angel had only been lent to me for 7 months. And me – I collapsed just after his burial with kidney failure! I was just 21.

RIP Phillip 16-03-1969 to 27-10-1969 – never forgotten.



  1. Bless you for sharing the pain you must have felt then and still do now. The lives of women……? I would like to think that this couldn’t happen today….hope not, anyway.

  2. Words fail me as I cannot adequately describe how sorry I am for your loss… a mother should never bury her child. Bless you and your family xx

  3. I can only imagine the sadness and grief you must have felt and continue to feel at the loss of Phillip. I am so sorry.

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