Posted by: madkentdragon | March 29, 2010

Next Baby & The Middle Years

After Phillip & the scare about my health, things quieted down – but yet again I was pregnant. Wasn’t allowed to take the pill – in case I had an affair, now I know that’s the classic attitude of the insecure philanderer but at the time I was too busy and too tired to think about it and too much under the thumb to fight back.

Number 4 was born early as the hospital was worried it would damage my one remaining kidney to carry a baby for too long, so he was born 6 weeks early, healthy and beautiful – at least to my eyes. However the remaining kidney had become infected and I had to stay in hospital a bit longer to clear the infection and the grotty IVP where they pump you full of iodine to X-ray the kidney showed that it had developed scar tissue. Scar tissue doesn’t work so kidney function was down to 70% of one – but it still is 41 years later so who’s worrying. But the hospital decided no more pregnancies -A sterilised wife – shockhorror – no!

Remember this was before women’s rights and husbands still had control over their wives, he’d signed for my kidney ops – not me and now they wanted him to sign for this, he refused point blank.  But he capitulated when he realised that he could be left a widower with three or perhaps four young children and no-one to look after them – or was it the fact that they were willing to take him to court over it?

Any way life progressed as quietly as it could with three boys under four years old and slowly, as the boys grew and started noticing thing the bruises stopped. Also as Father-in-Law aged his influence waned so now husband didn’t go to the pub so much but had his six pints indoors each night.

But I was too demoralised to think about leaving, after all farm work wasn’t “proper work” and he was keeping me – or that was what I was made to believe.   Also there are more than one ways to keep you in place – train the boys to make fun of you so you lose your self-esteem – very effective and insidious. But it was a quiet period and I made sure that there was money for trips out and fun times, the house was as clean as it can be with both parents working and three lively boys. It seemed like paradise provided you didn’t delve to deep. Middle son slowly started producing the gamma globulin, he’d only ever been border line and when the hospital gave the second positive reading I was over the moon, until at the age of seven he was run over.

The eldest two had come out of school and I was late picking them up as the wheel had come off the push-chair so I’d piggy backed the youngest the mile or so to the school and got there just as the ambulance arrived. He had stood in front of a car pulling faces at his mates in the car and one of the children in the car had lent forward and knocked the hand brake off and it had rolled over him!

He was a mess, fortunately the car had gone over his legs or it would have probably been fatal, his head had hit the curb and there was blood everywhere and a bone sticking out of his leg. My eldest was crying and apologising for not holding on to him – I reassured him that it was not his fault – bless his heart he was only eight, he couldn’t do it – I should have pushed harder for a new push chair instead of letting husband botch a repair on the old second-hand one.

We arrived at hospital and as soon as they took him into surgery I phoned hubby who came up straight away, saying that he’d got tomorrow off as well to help. As I’d still got the other two boys with me, I asked him to take them to get something to eat whilst I waited for news. He grabbed my two pounds and took them round the corner for a lemonade and crisps whilst he had a pint or so “to calm his nerves” the boys sat in the car.

Fortunately No 2 came out of surgery quite well, loads of stitches in his head and both legs in plaster and the only time he cried was when they washed the dirt and blood off of his face! Typical boy. He recovered in time and enjoyed his 13 weeks off of school, but during that time I couldn’t work so things were harder than usual – but the farm where I worked regularly heard about the accident dropped of a hundred weight of potatoes and some other vegetable and fruit – it felt good a real kindness and one I’ve never forgotten.


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