Posted by: madkentdragon | June 18, 2010

Why “Mad Kent Dragon”?


I think I need to explain my Twitter pseudonym to you all, as I’ve been asked about it twice in the last week! If you have read my previous blogs you will know that I had a somewhat turbulent past and ended up as a completely down trodden door mat with no self-esteem.

When I finally plucked up courage to leave, I was still this quivering wreck who was frightened to say “Boo” to a goose and scared of any confrontation; but I had a job where I needed to tell people “You are doing this wrong” or “I need an explanation of why you spent charitable funds on this” So I had to build a persona to hide behind and I did! Quite successfully in fact I have become a slightly more gentle form of that persona!

My sons had always had me noted on their mobiles as “BSE” partly because I was always being called a “Stupid Cow” by their father and partly because they thought I was a stupid cow for staying with him so long. I was so used to being insulted and demeaned that I took no notice of it – or so I thought – but I think the lack of self-esteem proves that it was sinking in.

So there was I with £100 and my clothes and no-where to live, but son no 1 took me in and I strengthened my backbone & started developing my front. I found that I could go into Clubs or Branches with this “front” in place and speak as I was meant to and sort problems out efficiently. OK that’s the “MAD” bit out the way.

Having managed to pull myself together and within 6 months, managed to rent a house and furnish it with a grant from the Royal British Legion, my ex was ex-service and as his spouse I was allowed to ask for help – embarrassing because I worked for them – in fact I didn’t ask – too proud – they offered and I accepted!

 I found that I needed some ornaments for the mantelpiece and shelves that I had bought. I had gone to Hastings with a mate and she wanted to buy me a housewarming present so we went into the cheap & cheerful gift shops and she asked me what I wanted. Having no self-esteem I opted for the cheapest thing I could see which was a pair of tiny plates with stands – they had dragons on them! She bought me two pairs and continuing the theme I bought a dragon ashtray and so it started – the dragon ornaments!

On the way home she said “You need to be more like those dragons – scared of nothing and facing up to the world, in fact you are already doing it by setting up by yourself” It took some time to sink in and it took time for my youngest two sons to accept that I was living without their father, but when they came round and started visiting, they both bought gifts – one bought another dragon & the other bought a mad cow!

Slowly my facade developed and the Clubs would say that I was a bit of a dragon when checking their accounts or telling them off because they were endangering their licences by not obeying their own rules – but they knew they could turn to me for advice whenever they needed it.

Now my home is full of mad cow & dragon ornaments, I even have one that was carved in Kenya, son had to show the carver a picture of one to get it done! Oh and soft toys of all sizes depicting either mad cows or dragons & I don’t mind because now they are given with love by sons, daughter-in-laws and grandchildren and not in mimicry of the insults.

So there you have it, this Bolshie old bat is proud to be known as Mad Kent Dragon, because the persona saved her from a nervous breakdown and gave her the strength to face life!

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Responses

  1. It takes real courage to rebuild your self-esteem after someone that you’ve loved has trashed it for you, and even more courage to leave the situation and set out on a new life of your own.

    I really admire what you’re doing, and I’m sure that any self-respecting dragon would be very proud to be associated with you!

  2. Much respect from me my love and thankyou for sharing your story with us. You have my love and admiration, my love because you’re always looking out for me and keeping me in check and my admiration because it takes guts to say *screw you* in the face of adversity.
    hugs xxxx

  3. Hello, love the explanation of your persona, very enjoyable read. Michael told me to pass a poem on to you so I made contact here and am sure to read more of your blogs, that’s for sure. Anyway I am looking for a way to contact you but can’t find anything. My email is dmph19@yahoo.co.uk if you mail me I’ll send on the poem. Kind regards Dan


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