Posted by: madkentdragon | September 9, 2010

Mistakes, I’ve made a few!


Since I started off by myself, I’ve made a few mistakes, mainly in the male friend department!

Before I start, dear Reader, can I ask you a couple of questions?

Why can’t a man be a friend with me without thinking that I am desperate for them to bed me?  

Why can’t I just relax without waiting for the question you can see in their eyes?

I’m not even in the “second” flush of youth and really I am not going to be pressured into doing things I don’t want to do, and when I say “No” why do they then go off and sulk?

I’ve been invited out for meals by men who have wanted to dress in my clothes and another who wanted to do unspeakable things that he showed me on a web-site – I didn’t even know that this happened let alone have websites dedicated to it – and all I wanted to do was run off and be sick!

I’ll give you a printable example:

I had been invited to J, a colleague’s birthday dinner at a pub/restaurant and I happily accepted and looked forward to a nice social evening. I made my own way there by taxi, thinking that I would book one towards the end of the evening when I knew what time it was going to end – or perhaps cadge a lift home.

I was seated opposite a recently divorced cousin of J and I realised I’d been paired with him, OK no problem there were about 20 of us, so I felt safe. Seated next to me was a lovely fellow and his partner was sitting next to the cousin, F&J were a gay couple who were hilarious and a complete anti-dote to the cousin’s moaning about his ex, which was all he seemed to talk about. Their bitchy comments and general happiness was catching and I relaxed and had a fantastic evening.

Towards the end of the evening us smokers all did the usual and congregated outside for a cigarette and then as I came back in, I decided it was time to phone for my taxi and picked up my mobile. The cousin looked at me and said “What are you doing?” to which I replied that I was booking my taxi and his reply was “Oh no need for that, I’ll give you a lift – my place or yours?” I was gobsmacked! This man who had moaned all evening about his ex and had not even said more than two civil words to me was propositioning me!

My two new friends came to my rescue and told him that they were taking me home and picked up my coat and bag and escorted me out of the pub after saying goodbye to our hostess! I would never have gone home with the cousin, but the speed with which these two came to my rescue was amazing and yes, they not only drove me home but escorted me to my door and made sure I was safe inside! Of course my hetero brain was thinking “what a waste!” but it was one of the nicest experiences I’d had for a long time. We are still friends and they pop in once in a while to have a coffee and a natter.

I’ve made many mistakes in my life, but I found that I’ve learned from them now and set ground rules before I go out for a drink/meal with any man now.

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Responses

  1. Wonderful post, my dear Pat. I know what you mean. Isn’t it wonderful to have enough self-esteem and self respect that we are able to see these horrifically pathetic situations for what they are. WE DESERVE BETTER! Thanks for sharing your wisdom. You are NEVER too old to learn!

  2. Awww Pat, what can I say but well done to you on all fronts, I know when I first lived on my own (I was 35) it was all so very different to what i’d experienced before. Like you, without the security of ‘an other’ it seemed all the weirdo’s really did come out of hiding n come direct for me. Fortunately am pleased to say that that period does pass as yr confidence grows in your own independence.

    As for the cousin incident I’m glad it turned out well and that you made a couple of genuine new friends.

    Keep the faith as to finding that one, you never know when/where they’ll turn up but take it from one who thought it would never happen, it will when it’s right

    Much love to you hun xx


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