Posted by: madkentdragon | January 18, 2011

Proving You’re Worth It


I’m not talking about striving to achieve, I’m talking about the insidious inferiority complex that makes you feel as if you are never worth it. I know many suffer from this and especially women who always think that someone’s going to find them out and sack them –surveys have stated this.

It can start in childhood – even as early as potty training, where a mother who is of the “I want one of them and it’s going to be the best” starts the training from a tender age of two weeks and scolding the baby when it doesn’t “perform” to being the first of their peers to crawl, walk and talk! –Yes this does happen.

As well as being taught to count and read and write pre-school, to always being in the top five in the class at all times;  and if this slips being made to feel you have let the side down. Of course you have to pass your eleven-plus; to fail would be unthinkable and you would shake when the letter is undone.

Throughout the senior school, you still have to achieve all As – perhaps not in art as that is non-essential and sit the dreaded ‘O’ levels and pass them, in fact you are so driven that these and the ‘A’ levels are all achieved before your 17th birthday. But have you done enough?

This is where you may rebel, I did as you know with disastrous consequences and a further lack of self confidence; so that when you return to work, you don’t feel confident enough to take an office job but work as a cleaner or a shelf stacker – but even so you’ve got to be the best!

Eventually you go to the Job Centre and fill in the form to find a full time job because money worries are getting you down and they look at your form and immediately send you for an admin job in an office. Your husband (who is insecure and tries to control you through bullying) laughs and points out that you’ve not done this type of thing for years and so he doubts you can do it – but as you’ve been sent by the Job Centre he doesn’t stop you going to the interview – and surprise, surprise you actually get the position!

Now you’ve got to prove you can do the job, not only to your employer – but to yourself and your family. So you do, you push yourself so hard that you succeed and get a couple of promotions!

But the second promotion is for a newly created post that the members of the organisation didn’t want – and you find that you are the only female non-service person in the South of England in the post and to make it worse, the rest were all officers! So you work even harder and push yourself to be the best, because that’s what has been ingrained in your brain!

The challenges were hard and now I look back at the job, I realise how stressed I was not only in the job, but also in the dying embers of the marriage.

So please don’t push your kids too hard, encourage – yes – but there is a very fine line between the two; so please don’t cross it. Oh and if they get seriously ill, don’t compare them with someone else and say “I can’t understand why!”

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Responses

  1. So well said there is not much to add Just to agree hole heartedly let kids be kids They are amazing But some are good and some are different But they can all turn out special Give them some room but with rules they can work out this hard old life As I have seen it for myself Thank You PS please let them play and learn the hard way that falling of things hearts and hot things burn etc They are a sponge ;o) XXX

  2. Great article! I love your writing style- so honest and to the point. Thanks for this reminder!

  3. Fantastic post so well written and straight from the heart. Yes too many mums put too much pressure on their children. Let them do things in their time they get there in the end. Big hugs xxxx wendy


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